The Last of the Hyphenated-Americans

Speaking as an Off-White American, I am done with it. I will no longer self-identify as a unique minority with special insights, grievances and demands of other Hyphenate-Americans. I will have no truck with Black-Americans, Hispanic-Americans, Asian-Americans or even Irish-Jewish-Native-Neurotic-Americans.

As a person of color, that color being 5427 on the Sherwin Williams scale, I will not refer to my self as a Beige-American or accept Gyno-Americans, Phallo-Americans, Homo-Americans, or Lesbo-Americans, which anyway should be called Vagetarians as Lesbos is just a no-account island in the Adriatic.

I will no longer refer to my wife and kids, all-left-handed for some reason, as Sinister-Americans, Or my dog as a Canine-American. I will no longer, under my breath, refer to obese people who take the center seat in aircraft and flow into my space as Fatso-Americans…that is beneath me.

Speaking of that, it is wrong to refer to people like Jeff Sessions as Dwarf-Americans, or even as Height-Challenged- Americans. I will no longer call people such as Louie Gomer and Rick Perry Retard-Americans. That word should only be used in orchestration. I will no longer refer to Mitch McConnell as a Turtle-American. Or the Pres as a Psycho-American. One may make one exception for Steve Bannon as a Bridge-Troll-American.

We must all be just Americans because otherwise it’s just going to get too complicated. What if you were actually a Black-Fatso-Lesbo-Sinister-Gyno-Half-Hispanic-Quarter-Asian American?
See where this leads? How would we deal with you? What exactly is your problem? Right now without Government Mandated DNA Testing nobody really knows what they are. Is Derek Jeter black, white or just a Short-Stop-American? Nobody knows.

Until we stop silly-separating ourselves due to our special uniqueness, our complaints, our past and present grievances and our hope for special privileges due to, say, that “slavery thing”, or that Commanche “Genocide” thing or the fact that some people don’t like us, we won’t come together as we must as “One Nation Under a God-American”.

So. Suck it up. You or your ancestors came to the Melting Pot to get melted down into a new identity. American. So Melt.

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Chip Proser was a Director-Cameraman and Producer for 7 years at WCVB-TV in Boston. He won multiple Emmys and other awards at the Peabody Award-winning ABC Affiliate, called "Arguably the Best TV Station in America" by the New York Times. He was captured by Zombies and forced to become a screenwriter in 1980 after selling his original feature screenplay "Interface" to Zoetrope Studios. Called "One of the Best Films Never Made" by American Film Magazine, the project resides at Paramount. Proser did the major page 1 rewrite on "Top Gun"; wrote "Iceman". created and wrote "Innerspace", He Created, Wrote, Produced and Directed "Sworn To Secrecy (Secrets Of War", Int’l), a documentary series for A&E; History Channel and Pearson Television. He has written projects for CBS, NBC, HBO, Warner Brothers Paramount, Columbia, Disney, ABC and wrote the interactive game "Top Gun - Fire At Will". He recently Wrote, Directed and Produced "Gaia Selene - Saving the Earth by Colonizing the Moon", a feature documentary on climate change, the energy crisis and mitigating the above by harvesting clean, renewable energy from Lunar Solar Power and Helium 3 Fusion.